Saturday morning was lovely.. a walk around our beautiful park with my husband, 2 Labrador Retrievers and my dear son, the Little Man, in his stroller. When we arrive home, I lovingly say to my husband (in that sweet, maybe you'll get a piece later if you agree to what I'm about to propose voice) that I'd like to train this morning. He says "okay" (who knows if it was the voice or the fact he had work he needed to do and probably wanted to be undisturbed for a few hours.)
I joyously run out the door with my bag and buki and race off to the dojo.
I sure hope Little Man ate enough to tie him over until I get home. Should I have tried to feed him again before I left- a 4th time before the sun is a 1/4 of the way into the morning sky? I think he only ate half a feeding that last time, there's no way he's going to make it to the next feeding. Did I leave a bottle in the fridge? Am I being selfish right now? Holyshita woman, just relax and go enjoy class for God's sake.
I change as quickly as possible into MY dogi- still relishing in the fact that I can wear it again- grab my buki and run off to bow onto the mat. It is quite quickly apparent that I do not recognize a good 1/4 of the student's on the mat.
Have I been gone THAT long?? As class is beginning and we bow in and do basic warm ups, I realized today's class will be taught by Kancho (
カンチョー) instead of the usual Saturday morning Sensei who is working with all the new students. This is nice because it takes a typical Beginner/ Saturday morning class and splits it up into two categories of students: a) those who can do a breakfall and b) those who are walking around with the deer in the headlights look on their faces.
We, the a) group, then proceed to learning 3 variations of shihonage: a basic with pin, a more advanced variation with pin (skipping a cross step and doing a forward pivot into the control) and then the throw (with a cross step back, one knee down.) In review: my wrists hurt. I had a great partner but basically my wrists haven't been held in that unnatural position for as long as my core hasn't held the typical uke body posture for the shihonage pin. I relaxed and let my joints give a bit more, let my stomach tighten a bit more. During the throw, I avoided the hiyaku ukemi and just did a zempo kaiten ukemi ni. Being a person that loves hiyaku ukemi and despite desperately wanting to be thrown again, I figured, let's not push this.
I wonder if Little Man is hungry, hope he's not crying. Good grief! Focus woman! Be in the moment; your boy is fine.
It was a good class, and I left tired and sweaty- always a great feeling. I did rush home though, anxious to see how my boy was doing, and realizing that despite being in the moment, in the back of my mind I missed him the whole time. What a crazy dichotomy new motherhood is. One part of you is aching to "cut the cord" and get out of the house, alone, where you can quickly run in and out of stores, not have to look for drive-thru's for coffee etc. Then the other part of you is missing the hell out of that little person.
So maybe I found another little self-lesson I'd like to learn during these new days back on the mat: simply being in the moment. I think there is a lot that can be gained- focus, strength, peace- when you completely let go and be where you are, when you are. And I think this lesson would do me good, both as an aikidoka, and as a new mommy.
Let's give it a try, shall we?
